Short story of the month Dec 05: The Hard Rock Cafe Incident

Miami Florida, Bayside Marketplace Hard Rock Cafe:

I just showed up. No advance notice. No phone call. No letter. I just showed up around 2 pm with my guitar asking for the manager. The hostess said they had NEVER confirmed an audition but by that time I was already on the darkened stage area opening the case and unloading my Fender with the customized paint job (I poured construction yellow paint down the front so it looks like its bleeding, add in the nuclear skull fret decals and the mirror pick guard and well, "Seal the Deal", this guys here to rock!)

And I confirmed as much saying to the hostess "Look theres two tables here eating lunch" upon which time the hostess corrected me saying "one table, the other tables the managers". At which piont I replied "Can someone get the manager and turn on the PA?'

This is when the hostess turns to one of the 2 waitresses and says "Go in the back and ask Larry to come out here." A few moments later "Larry" came out of kitchen, where he previous to my entrance, had been gorging himself on Ice cream? Shrimp? The body he killed last night? all of the above probably.

I'd been there before in Larry's shoes - desparate times in a factory churning out food as THE MANAGER. A party every night is how I looked at it. I tried to make everyone happy - the patrons, the help, my superiors, but mostly myself. You can NEVER make them ALL happy. But I tried and I mostly tried to make myself happy which is why a gave the mutherfuckers thier keys back when they came to me wanting me to move for the 5th time with a promotion to, of all places, Lexington, Ky. in mid winter snow up to your ass, this a week after my girlfriends mother suddenly died in a fire... Here's your keys! I'm done with it, burn the ties, burn the suits. Burn it all!!

...So here comes Larry, wiping his mouth when he sees me. Seal The Deal. He had'not been expecting this. Some small talk, mostly lies on my part, whereupon Larry turns on the PA. I fiddled around with some sweet mello acoustic stuff and Larry indicates to turn it down a little bit and walks over to his table....more acoustic stuff just waiting for the moment. Just waiting. Getting a little bit nastier going into the GNR opening riff to Coma..Just waiting. And then Larry made his move. No sooner had he vanished into the kitchen I was up to turn the PA volume up and back to the DOD effects board switching to FULL ON!! Here it comesmutherfuckers!! Brace for shock!!

I hit them ALLl unexpectingly. Another goddamned surprise attack!! as I hammered down on the 52 tuned to Eb, bordering on "D" for doom!!or there abouts. I was about 45 seconds into the riff to our song "Down" when Larry comes running out of the back, arms waving over his head. I thought for a millasecond he was trying to start a pit, but it was not to be as he ran up on the stage (Security!!) and turned off the PA. "What the cops are shutting us down? I said to him. "You can't do that in here now. Its sounded like a damn train coming through here..."

Thank You Larry. I'm taking it as a compliment and you are not the first to say it...Nuclear Fuckin' Skull -n- Bones = music that sounds like a Train plowing through your house, Climb aboard or GET THE FUCK OUT OF THE WAY!!!! (Check out the band 1st video up on the site www.nuclearskull.com/music) Keep on rockin in a free world....