July 09 - From the Award winning Short Story series : "Sometimes What I like to do is.."

Sometimes what I like to do is scour all the local media and classifieds for "Mini Bikes For Sale" on the cheap, usually getting into verbal fights over offering some ridiculous low price like $5 and taking it from there to get the dirt cheap lowest price I can. Just HARDCORE Price War bidding!!

Then I work on the peice of shit and get the motor all tweaked out and the body painted in a Red, Yellow, Black and Orange "Fire and Flames" motiff so its basically looks as evil as possible and breathing fuckin fire like some unGodly monster from Hell where you can hear it coming 3 blocks away with people looking out thier windows at the annoying high pitched winding out maxed out sound. Then I'll have a few Vodkas and get on the Mutherfucker and just rip the town a brand new ass riding full throttle, balls out through peoples front lawns, red lights, parking lots, sidewalks, pedestrain malls etc. all the while looking for jumps and ramps to hit to raise more Hell and get the most out of the fucking peice of shit son of a bitch.

So its basically "Wide Fuck'in Open" all the time as theres no brakes. The ONLY way to stop it is to "dive off" or Smash, Crash, Burn. And usually thats the "Big Finale" as within 20 seconds or so after I've crashed and laying on the ground, if its not smoking and on fire, I'll unscrew the gas cap and light it with a lighter brought specifically for that purpose. I'll then drag the front wheel into the flames to get the rubber burning that deep wicked evil black smoke and start screaming for anyone who will listen :

"Did YOU see THAT!! That fucking Machine is possessed by the Devil!! HELL ON WHEELS!!! BURN!!"

and take off running down the street screaming at the top of my lungs until I've tired and then I'll walk and think about ALL the damage and destruction I've caused not only to private and public property, other people and animals, But to myself as well. Usually I'll have a physical scratch or two but most of the damage is mental as the scenes play over and over in my mind.

Then its an obsession to repeat of the process all over again with searches on Ebay and Craigs List with questions and comments like:

- Does it go fast?

-What color is it?

-Is the motor bored out?

-I'll give you $10 for it cash. Fuck You Asshole! No "Fuck You!"

....and on and on like that till a deal is reached and I have another Mini Bike to turn Evil and Demonic. Maybe if you hear some crazy winding out ungodly motor sound outside your window its ME? Make sure to wave OK?

June 09 -From The Award Winning Short Story series " Sometimes What I like to do"

Sometimes when I'm feeling extra creative and want to make a little extra money, I'll put on some old ass 70's mismatched clothes like a puke yellow paisly shirt and a pair of red and black striped bell bottomed pants and a pair of wild "Elvis like" sunglasses and I'll get a milk crate, my Roland Micro-Cube Amp/PA, a tip bucket and a plastic Bucket to drum on with the words "ShoeFro Band" on the sides and head down to the busiest intersection median on a Fri-Sat night, and set up for some Jive ass drumming and singing about the next car to drive up. For Example:

"I'm a medium size Chevy dragging these sad sacks around town. I'm red and Brown and these sad sacks are bringing me down. Give me some money, Put it in my jug, Give Me some money, Its better than a smile or a hug from ya wife or ya daughter. The lights still red do what I said. Give Me some Money!! Give me some Bread!!! I be ShosFRO give me some monies before I be dead...."

Sometimes I'll bring my Fender and get all Really Jive'in and shucking. Alot of times the Cops will come by and try and shut me down and take all my money under the threat of making too much money with out a permit. I try and put alot down my socks and in my drawers so when they come by and raid my moneies they wont be getting it all.

Anyway, I'm not in it for the money but the Jive'assin and shuckin and jukin I do out there in "No mans land" Aint nobody doing what I'm doing. I'm a muthafucking artist and aint nothing stopping me from playing where ever and whenever I want to at any lit intersection median. This is cutting edge shit man. And like I said I pick up a little scratch on the side to pay the bills...

....Other times I like to get in a big Washing Machine size box and and set it on a busy Intersection median and get it it and "spy" on the people with small holes cut in the box. Alot of times I'll get bored and go to sleep and someone will get out and open the lid on the box and it scares the Hell out of all involved. I usually start screamin for them to get out of my house and my yard. And because its a red light intersection and it turns to green -They do, so I always win that argument.