Sept 2010 - SPS
Alot of strange and bizarre things have happened to me in my lifetime. Recently this one incident had to rank at the very top of the list, if not #1 itself. Where to even start??...
...I had to take a physical exam for a License to legally carry a handgun. Why this is I have no idea other than this is Florida and its a backwoods "yahoo" state with antiquated and archaic laws. So in my search to find the most economical place to have this done in the shortest time possible, I made an appointment at The Miami Catholic Hospital. The price was right and unlike the VA hospital, which had a better price, they could see me right away instead of a month.
And so on the scheduled day I showed up and dressed in that silly paper like hospital gown with the open back they always give you and of course the place was freezing cold. THIS turned out to be the least of my worries as the much dreaded finger up the asshole moment came.
For me this is an "Exit ONLY" area and quite frankly I'd rather die than have anyone stick their finger up my ass. With technology today is THIS even still a necessity?!! So as I'm enduring this humility the Doctor, who I might add was one creepy looking fuck with his wild unkept mad scientist grey eyebrows and hairs growing like weeds out of his ears, is probing his finger up in my ass like he's finger fucking me!! I quickly turned around and no uncertain terms said "What the fuck are you doing ASSHOLE an exam or finger fucking me?!" This is when I noticed he wasnt wearing any surgical gloves. WHAT THE FUCK?!
I asked him "Why arent you wearing any gloves?" And he replies "I groom my fingernails and its optional." Are you fucking kidding me?!! Now this was bad enough and I almost left right then and their and IF it wasnt for this Gun License and a high paying job I'd have said "FUCK THIS!" and left.
The doctor left the room, without washing his hands I might add, and a nurse cam in and made notations on a clip board telling me "we're almost done". It was then this creepy fucking Doctor came back into the room and I swear I saw him smelling his finger he just had up my ass. Maybe he washed his hands outside, I dont know. Nevertheless, WHY wasnt he wearing gloves in the first place?!!
So the creep tells me "Ok lay on your back". I comply and he takes the skimpy paper gown and pulls it aside exposing my dick whereupon this piece of shit says (and I quote) "Ok make it stand up for me." At this point I'm like "What the fuck?" and I'm objecting raising all kinds of hell requesting another Doctor because this is INSANE and on and on. Whereupon, "Doctor Creepy Fucker" tells me "we can just end the Exam now and you wont get your Physical qualification."
At this point I was sorry that I had not waited an extra few weeks and gone to the VA Hospital to have this done. Nevertheless, I continued to object stating matter of factly that "I've had several Physicals and NO ONE has ever ask me to get my dick hard!!" Whereupon he asked me when was the last time I had and exam and went on to state that things had changed and this was standard procedure in determining how my circulation was and if I had "SPS" or "E.D.". I, of course, asked what "SPS" and "E.D." And I quote here his response - word for word: "Sleepy Peepee Syndrome" OR "Erectile Dysfunction".
I went OFF! I'm like "Well cant you take my blood pressure to determine THAT!?" And he reverted to his spiel about "we can just end the exam now and you wont get your qualification and..." And for this humility and bullshit I had already spent $120 dollars non-refundable. I debated leaving in my mind telling myself that if I left I could still deduct the expense on my 2011 taxes. Still, I told him "I'm not getting my dick hard for you, you fucking pervert!" And he got up and left.
I then sat up and got off the exam table to put my clothes on when a nurse walked into the room and told me that I was almost done and this last phase was the end of the exam, and went on about how the Doctor was not some kind of sexual deviant and blah, blah and just relax and have a seat on the table and were almost done and maybe this will help and blah blah on and on.
So listening to her female reasoning, I got back up on the exam table but still objected to the entire thing stating that I thought it all to be highly unorthodox and that I wasnt some kind of pervert myself that goes around getting a hard dick on at the drop of a dime. Whereupon, she said that maybe this was cause for alarm and I might have "SPS" which could be an indicator of some other more serious problem. And I assured her that under the right NORMAL circumstances, I had no such problems. NOW as if things couldnt be insane enough, this is when it REALLY gets weird!!
As I lay on the table, she removes the gown exposing my dick and takes one of those "Popsicle stick" things and tapes my dick to it AND I SHIT YOU NOT -takes a fine point magic marker out of her pocket and draws a two eyes and a smile on my dick!! Like I said, THIS fucking takes the cake as far as "bizarre things that have happened to me".
Then, Doctor Creepy Perv, who I had not seen enter the room, startled the fuck out of me as he came from behind the nurse and says "lets see what we have here" and takes the "Popsicle stick" that my dick is taped to and starts jiggling it around and says to me "feeling anything yet?" I replied "This is BULLSHIT!!" and went to get up and he put his arm on my chest stopping me and the nurse has what at first looked to me like electrical probes but turn out to be what I can plainly see are earbuds and a Walkman" cassette player and he says "you just need a little stimulation". Whereupon Doctor Creepy fuck tapes the earphones to each side of my dick and presses play.
But wait, HE's NOT DONE YET! He then says "maybe the "Little Man" is cold and needs a coat for warmth?" and he tears a piece of the paper off the exam table and wraps it around my dick with more tape and announces "There he's got a robe to make him nice and warm". And the nurse has a piece of cotten and proceeds to stuff it inside the piece of paper and says "Now he has a beard" laughing and the Doctor snaps a picture with his cell phone.
OK lets review: I'm in this "Insane Asylum" to get a Physical Exam. I've already had this creepy faggot Doctor stick his un-gloved finger up my ass and poke it up and down like he's "finger fucking" me. NOW I'm laying on the exam table with my dick taped to Popsicle stick with a happy face on it while Guns -n-Roses "Sweet Child of Mine" plays loudly through earphones taped to it while these two mutherfuckers are having a puppet show as though this is the most normal thing in the world and they do it everyday.
THAT was IT! I pushed that faggot asshole out of my way and got the hell out of there dressing as I walked down the hall and out of that place! I've never been so pissed off and humiliated in my life. I'm presently contacting attorneys who will hear my story and hopefully file suit against these assholes. Meanwhile I'm trying to get this "smiley face" magic marker markings off my dick. You can only scrub it so hard you know?! And yes I have pictures to show lawyers and NO you may not see them! Use your imagination = a dick taped to a Popsicle stick with a smile face on it OK?!!
ONLY in MIAMI, ONLY in the BANANNA REPUBLIC! do these type of things happen!!
...I had to take a physical exam for a License to legally carry a handgun. Why this is I have no idea other than this is Florida and its a backwoods "yahoo" state with antiquated and archaic laws. So in my search to find the most economical place to have this done in the shortest time possible, I made an appointment at The Miami Catholic Hospital. The price was right and unlike the VA hospital, which had a better price, they could see me right away instead of a month.
And so on the scheduled day I showed up and dressed in that silly paper like hospital gown with the open back they always give you and of course the place was freezing cold. THIS turned out to be the least of my worries as the much dreaded finger up the asshole moment came.
For me this is an "Exit ONLY" area and quite frankly I'd rather die than have anyone stick their finger up my ass. With technology today is THIS even still a necessity?!! So as I'm enduring this humility the Doctor, who I might add was one creepy looking fuck with his wild unkept mad scientist grey eyebrows and hairs growing like weeds out of his ears, is probing his finger up in my ass like he's finger fucking me!! I quickly turned around and no uncertain terms said "What the fuck are you doing ASSHOLE an exam or finger fucking me?!" This is when I noticed he wasnt wearing any surgical gloves. WHAT THE FUCK?!
I asked him "Why arent you wearing any gloves?" And he replies "I groom my fingernails and its optional." Are you fucking kidding me?!! Now this was bad enough and I almost left right then and their and IF it wasnt for this Gun License and a high paying job I'd have said "FUCK THIS!" and left.
The doctor left the room, without washing his hands I might add, and a nurse cam in and made notations on a clip board telling me "we're almost done". It was then this creepy fucking Doctor came back into the room and I swear I saw him smelling his finger he just had up my ass. Maybe he washed his hands outside, I dont know. Nevertheless, WHY wasnt he wearing gloves in the first place?!!
So the creep tells me "Ok lay on your back". I comply and he takes the skimpy paper gown and pulls it aside exposing my dick whereupon this piece of shit says (and I quote) "Ok make it stand up for me." At this point I'm like "What the fuck?" and I'm objecting raising all kinds of hell requesting another Doctor because this is INSANE and on and on. Whereupon, "Doctor Creepy Fucker" tells me "we can just end the Exam now and you wont get your Physical qualification."
At this point I was sorry that I had not waited an extra few weeks and gone to the VA Hospital to have this done. Nevertheless, I continued to object stating matter of factly that "I've had several Physicals and NO ONE has ever ask me to get my dick hard!!" Whereupon he asked me when was the last time I had and exam and went on to state that things had changed and this was standard procedure in determining how my circulation was and if I had "SPS" or "E.D.". I, of course, asked what "SPS" and "E.D." And I quote here his response - word for word: "Sleepy Peepee Syndrome" OR "Erectile Dysfunction".
I went OFF! I'm like "Well cant you take my blood pressure to determine THAT!?" And he reverted to his spiel about "we can just end the exam now and you wont get your qualification and..." And for this humility and bullshit I had already spent $120 dollars non-refundable. I debated leaving in my mind telling myself that if I left I could still deduct the expense on my 2011 taxes. Still, I told him "I'm not getting my dick hard for you, you fucking pervert!" And he got up and left.
I then sat up and got off the exam table to put my clothes on when a nurse walked into the room and told me that I was almost done and this last phase was the end of the exam, and went on about how the Doctor was not some kind of sexual deviant and blah, blah and just relax and have a seat on the table and were almost done and maybe this will help and blah blah on and on.
So listening to her female reasoning, I got back up on the exam table but still objected to the entire thing stating that I thought it all to be highly unorthodox and that I wasnt some kind of pervert myself that goes around getting a hard dick on at the drop of a dime. Whereupon, she said that maybe this was cause for alarm and I might have "SPS" which could be an indicator of some other more serious problem. And I assured her that under the right NORMAL circumstances, I had no such problems. NOW as if things couldnt be insane enough, this is when it REALLY gets weird!!
As I lay on the table, she removes the gown exposing my dick and takes one of those "Popsicle stick" things and tapes my dick to it AND I SHIT YOU NOT -takes a fine point magic marker out of her pocket and draws a two eyes and a smile on my dick!! Like I said, THIS fucking takes the cake as far as "bizarre things that have happened to me".
Then, Doctor Creepy Perv, who I had not seen enter the room, startled the fuck out of me as he came from behind the nurse and says "lets see what we have here" and takes the "Popsicle stick" that my dick is taped to and starts jiggling it around and says to me "feeling anything yet?" I replied "This is BULLSHIT!!" and went to get up and he put his arm on my chest stopping me and the nurse has what at first looked to me like electrical probes but turn out to be what I can plainly see are earbuds and a Walkman" cassette player and he says "you just need a little stimulation". Whereupon Doctor Creepy fuck tapes the earphones to each side of my dick and presses play.
But wait, HE's NOT DONE YET! He then says "maybe the "Little Man" is cold and needs a coat for warmth?" and he tears a piece of the paper off the exam table and wraps it around my dick with more tape and announces "There he's got a robe to make him nice and warm". And the nurse has a piece of cotten and proceeds to stuff it inside the piece of paper and says "Now he has a beard" laughing and the Doctor snaps a picture with his cell phone.
OK lets review: I'm in this "Insane Asylum" to get a Physical Exam. I've already had this creepy faggot Doctor stick his un-gloved finger up my ass and poke it up and down like he's "finger fucking" me. NOW I'm laying on the exam table with my dick taped to Popsicle stick with a happy face on it while Guns -n-Roses "Sweet Child of Mine" plays loudly through earphones taped to it while these two mutherfuckers are having a puppet show as though this is the most normal thing in the world and they do it everyday.
THAT was IT! I pushed that faggot asshole out of my way and got the hell out of there dressing as I walked down the hall and out of that place! I've never been so pissed off and humiliated in my life. I'm presently contacting attorneys who will hear my story and hopefully file suit against these assholes. Meanwhile I'm trying to get this "smiley face" magic marker markings off my dick. You can only scrub it so hard you know?! And yes I have pictures to show lawyers and NO you may not see them! Use your imagination = a dick taped to a Popsicle stick with a smile face on it OK?!!
ONLY in MIAMI, ONLY in the BANANNA REPUBLIC! do these type of things happen!!
posted by Mark Scott at 12:03 PM
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